But Why?

Sometimes, like a child, I want to whine. "Whyyyyy?" You know the sound.

Like where it's all nasal, in combination with the already runny nose, and you think for just a split second, "why do people reproduce?"

And after the small one asks it about a million times, you end up saying "Just because". Because sometimes there really isn't an explanation to their inquiry. Sometimes we ask questions where God just wants us to listen and learn.

I do that. I turn my face up to the great heavens and say "God, whyyyy?" Maybe stomp a foot or both.

"I don't get it" *use your inner whiny child voice*

Truth is, sometimes, it's just because. We aren't meant to fully understand everything all the time.

I worked at a job for about a year, where the boss wasn't Mother Teresa. Maybe if Mother Teresa had bi-polar and hated everyone. But in the one year at that job, where I wanted to scream at her face, I learned things. I actually learned more in that one year of extreme frustrations, then all my smooth sailing jobs.

Among many practical skills I now find very helpful, I really had to learn to hold my tongue under severe scrutiny and unfairness. ⟸ Probably the hardest lesson of all for me.

The whole time, I didn't get it. Why? It blew chunks.

Also, that long lonely season of waiting................................................

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Seeeee?  You didn't like that, right?!?! I didn't like it either. I went through a long time where I felt "board". A little bit like I could be doing more. I felt like I had been benched by the coach. Granted I've never played any sports, as my curvy curves/rolls can testify, but I imagine thats what it feels like. Just sitting there, not helping.

Turns out, I needed that season of down time. Because there was something big and a tad overwhelming. Even though I didn't get it back then, I needed that season of underwhelming. It balanced out the whelming. Capiche?

In all of these things, I was learning the why. My situations weren't necessarily changing that drastically, but I was. My understanding. My patience. My knowledge. My gratefulness.

And truth is, you only learn those through some tough life lessons.

A super awesome lady in my life (shout out to Megs) suggested I listen to a sermon entitled, It had to Happen by Steven Furtick. So while I was sitting on her kiddos, I also sat on her chair and watched her TV. I assumed that was the deal with babysitting ;)

The sermon talked about situations where you kind of cause you're own pain. Like "I probably could have handled that better". Just like I didn't have to work at a job where I was belittled, or spend a few months not doing anything productive. But truth is, God actually used my failures or the things I didn't fully understand.

I think it's fitting that God refers to himself as our Father. In truth, I act like a whiny unlearned ungrateful child. "God, whhyyyyy"

Just because.

Because soon... you'll understand.





A calm sea never a skilled sailor made. ~Someone