I feel like doubtful Thomas this Easter.
If you don't know who that is, let me fill you in. He was on of Jesus' 12 disciples. Meaning he spent years walking side by side with Jesus, seeing miracle after miracle, hearing the prophet's teachings, and being known as a guy in the inner circle of this miracle working Jewish son of a carpenter.
When Jesus rose from the dead and appeared to the disciples, Thomas wasn't among them initially. When all his buddy's told him that Jesus had risen and appeared to them alive and well, he simply did not believe it. Jesus then made a special appearance just for Thomas. (John 20:26-28)
I feel ya Thomas.
For those who don't know me, I've been a Christian pretty much my whole life. I've seen amazing things done in the name of Jesus. I've not been a "Sunday Christian" but an actively involved minister of the gospel: a preacher's daughter, a pastor's sister, a Sunday school teacher, a worship leader, and a pray-er.
Yet here I am, having doubts. So many doubts. Struggling with questions I was 1000% sure I knew the answer to. What the heck? Trust me, if that makes you concerned, imagine how concerning it is for me. I've shared these feelings with some of those who are close to me. I compared it to feeling like my entire house of faith has crumbled and I'm on my hands and knees, squinting through the dust of the demolition, trying to feel out the corners of my foundation.
Honestly, I hate it.
I liked being sure. I liked being confident in my knowledge. And maybe therein lies the problem.
I can't possibly go into every avenue of thought that I've wondered down. You'd be here all day. But just a glimpse into the minefield that was my thoughts: I thought about how my experiences with organized religion had been so full of hypocrites. Yikes. It's true though. One church fitted against the other because "that church" is allowed to wear short sleeve shirts. Like really? My mind went over so many years of different experiences, from interactions with those in positions of religious power and to those who had never stepped foot in a church. Sometimes those who had no profession of faith were a lot more pleasant. And don't act like that's not true, we all know it is. My mind raced over every possible belief system: like for real. And let's just say "is there even a God?" has found it's way to my brain. Ugh, I don't even like writing it.
But here's the thing.
I want to be authentic. Those of us who profess to be the Church can't afford to be anything but. I'm not perfect. I don't know everything. I struggle. I am struggling. And far be it from me to understand the fullness of God. And I think I was honestly getting to a point where I thought I had it figured out. What a numb-skull attitude to have.
I was a luke warm Christian. I think both God and I had had enough. And as a result, I felt like I hit rock bottom, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I felt so far from any belief or hope or faith. And in my brokenness and struggles, I said "God, how could you?" I honestly felt hopelessness.
And there is was, the moment of beauty in all the choas. I saw what life without hope and faith felt like. Me being a life long Christian, felt the feeling that so many who don't know Him felt. Like life was just life. We live, life sucks, we die. The end.
Depressed yet?
It was honestly a wake up call. How many people have I encountered who felt that hopeless feeling, and I being a religious tool didn't show one once of the Love that this Jewish son of a carpenter had taught? The only people he ragged on, was the kind of person I had become. Here I have been sitting on a Hope so profound and not showing it to anyone.
This Easter message at Church was necessary for me. I can't go into details because I've already taken up so much of your time. But in summary, it was necessary for my Pharisee like faith to die.
As much as it hurt. Just being honest.
To any of you who have read this far (really? don't you have anything better to do? ;), I'm sorry. I'm sorry for judging you. I'm sorry for thinking less of you because you didn't know as much as I thought I knew. I'm sorry for being one of the religious people that make Jesus seem not worth the jump of faith. I'm sorry for not being the Love that I should have been.
I'm still struggling. I am shooketh. I'm still shaken. I have belief, but I need help with my unbelief. I'm trying to rebuild, but this time with the right blocks. I'm trying to relearn.
But, I found Hope again.
And dear God, if I ever get to that hypocritical place again, feel free to knock me down once more.
Sunday, 12 April 2020
Monday, 10 December 2018
Hailey - Birth to 6 Months
Today I had one of those moments where you look around and just start feeling overwhelmed. But not at the Everest of laundry or the sink (or 2) full of dishes.
I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I love my life. I love my babies. And mostly, I love the man who helped me make this life and these babies.
Today marks 6 months that Baby Hailey has been in this world - and I can't believe it! Already SIX MONTHS! How? When? Why?
Anyway, here's a little monthly recap for you:
I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I love my life. I love my babies. And mostly, I love the man who helped me make this life and these babies.
Today marks 6 months that Baby Hailey has been in this world - and I can't believe it! Already SIX MONTHS! How? When? Why?
Anyway, here's a little monthly recap for you:
ONE MONTH
- Sleeps about 22 hours a day
- Gaining weight like a champ (shocked the health nurse)
- Wakes up about 3 times at night, eats, and goes back to sleep
- Wakes up about 3 times at night, eats, and goes back to sleep
- Very chill
TWO MONTHS
- Stays awake for about 2 hours at a time
-Sleeps well at night, gets up about 3 times, eats and goes back to sleep
- Witching hour is real! Cries from about 6pm-10pm
-Starting to smile a little
-Starting to smile a little
- Cheeks for days!
THREE MONTHS
-Witching hour still very real! Going outside makes her happy in those times.
- Smiles, even though it's hard with those cheeks
- Poops like a champ!
-Had needles and check up and about 12 pounds (atta girl)
- Likes to be held to nap, but now sleeps in her own crib at night
- Likes to be held to nap, but now sleeps in her own crib at night
- takes about an hour to rock her to sleep at night
FOUR MONTHS
- Bye bye witching hour - I have my happy girl back!
- Wakes up about 2-3 times at night, but goes back to sleep within 5 minutes
- Has about 4 naps a day
- Loves to be held and see people
-Pretty quiet girly
FIVE MONTHS
- Takes naps alone in her crib during the day
- Wakes up about 2 times a night, and goes right back to sleep after eating
-Still breastfeeding, not a fan of solids
- SMILES! All the SMILES!
- Poops out of all her diapers!
- Thinks her brother is a hoot!
SIX MONTHS
- About 18 pounds (I haven't actually weighed her)
- Always rolling on her tummy
- Loves to jump in her jollly jumper
-Squeals!
- Has the fruffiest hair.
- Wakes up about 2 at night
- Goes to sleep in her crib by herself
- Bottom two teeth finally popped through
- Loves to giggle
All in all, these 6 months have flown by. So much has happened. So much has gone wrong in 2018, but she is the one thing that's been completely right.
I honestly was afraid of having a girl because, let's face it, we ain't easy. And I've never been much of a girly girl to being with. But so far, I see so much of myself in her, and I feel like I know how to handle myself...sometimes.
With Wesley being such an easy baby, I thought (and was told) I was probably in for a doozy! I was probably going to pay for having it too easy! lol. But in most ways, she's been easier than Wesley. A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that I know some things now, and don't have to question every little thing.
With Wesley being such an easy baby, I thought (and was told) I was probably in for a doozy! I was probably going to pay for having it too easy! lol. But in most ways, she's been easier than Wesley. A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that I know some things now, and don't have to question every little thing.
My approach with parenting has been very relaxed so far, which is surprising because I thought I would be much more uptight. But I let the kids teach me how to be a good mom, rather than a book. That doesn't mean, that works for everyone, but it works amazingly for me! Eating, sleeping, playing, cuddling, repeat. We all have good routines. Kids go to bed at 8pm everynight (had to work on that since Hailey was going to bed at 11pm when she was 3 months), which leaves a few hours to spend with Eric - making us better partners and parents.
I know I'm gonna want more kids, but I truly am content with these two babies of mine.
They are my perfect.
Thursday, 21 June 2018
Baby Hailey
I did it again.
I successfully made another human.
This is kind of a big deal because it's been my greatest life accomplishment so far. In all the amazing things I've been able to experience in my life, my family has been my favorite.
This is the story of how little Hailey made her way into the world.
When I was about 32 weeks pregnant, the Doctor asked me if had made a decision about either wanting to have another c-section, or try to give birth. I was totally on the fence. I could see the pros and cons to both and those are the toughest decisions. I kept weighing my options as the weeks went on.
At the same time, the Doctor was a little concerned about how big the baby was getting. This lead to a few ultrasounds, and blood sugar testing. Each ultrasound showed that she was bigger than she was "suppose to be", however I passed the two blood sugar tests. Apparently high blood sugar levels can make the baby grow extra big. I ended up having to test my blood sugars at home 4 times a day, like a diabetic. All was well, but the baby was still gonna be big.
This all led to the decision that it would be better for me to have a c-section, as my body was unable to get out Wesley out, and it looked like this baby would be even bigger. So, a c-section was scheduled for June 12th. I met with the surgeon, discussed what I needed to do to prepare for the surgery, and then eagerly awaited the day.
On the evening of June 9th, I started to sense something may be happening. The whole evening was spent with these random waves of pain. At this point in my pregnancy, I was almost in constant pain because of how gigantic my belly was. I tossed the idea back and forth of whether or not to go to the hospital, as it may be nothing.
Around 10pm, I figured it's better to be safe than sorry... and I didn't think I could sleep with the pain anyway. So off we went to the hospital, leaving Wesley with my parents at home.
When we got to the hospital, who should be standing right at the baby ward desk? My Doctor. He looked at me wobbling in and asked "Are you in labour?" To which I really didn't have an answer.
He did the monitoring and checking, and sure enough, she was coming.
At this point, I could have tried to labour, or just stick with the c-section. As luck would have it, the c-section team was on their way to do another c-section (which was also why my Doctor was already there too). I had already mentally accepted that I was going to have a c-section, so I said "let's slice me open".
From there things went pretty quickly, I was prepped for surgery and rolled into the OR. I was numb but very much awake. The team came in and pushed and pulled and all sorts of sensations, until I heard a little cry. The Doctor popped around from the curtain dividing me from my open abdomen, holding the fattest, purplest little baby.
She was plump and perfect.
Eric got to hold her while they stitched me up. I stared at her chubby little face with such happiness. I was taken to recovery and soon thereafter, Eric brought her to me. Of course recovery was filled with the violent shivers, like I had the first time, and I drifted to sleep a few times, but all in all, I recovered well.
We spent the next 3 days in the hospital, recovering and bonding. Recovery from a c-section is not the easiest thing, but as it turns out, it was the right call. The Doctor said that he could tell from the way things were looking, just the short time I was in labour, that my body was having trouble getting her out. Plus, they were able to repair a hernia that had occurred towards the end of the pregnancy from how stretched out my stomach got.
Because of her size, they tested her blood sugar levels as well, eventually they leveled out which allowed us to go home.
Since being home, Hailey gained all her weight back, and actually shocked the public health nurses how quickly she bounced back, since she sleeps most of the day and only nurses for about 6 minutes when she does wake up.
Wesley has accepted that their is another little human taking our attention and time, and has adjusted well. He even gives his little sister kisses, and puts the dirty diapers in the garbage for me. :)
I am feeling good, and getting better everyday! Eric has been the best: doing all of the work around the house, plus taking care of all three of us.
I'm in love with my little family and doing my best to enjoy every moment!
I successfully made another human.
This is kind of a big deal because it's been my greatest life accomplishment so far. In all the amazing things I've been able to experience in my life, my family has been my favorite.
This is the story of how little Hailey made her way into the world.
When I was about 32 weeks pregnant, the Doctor asked me if had made a decision about either wanting to have another c-section, or try to give birth. I was totally on the fence. I could see the pros and cons to both and those are the toughest decisions. I kept weighing my options as the weeks went on.
At the same time, the Doctor was a little concerned about how big the baby was getting. This lead to a few ultrasounds, and blood sugar testing. Each ultrasound showed that she was bigger than she was "suppose to be", however I passed the two blood sugar tests. Apparently high blood sugar levels can make the baby grow extra big. I ended up having to test my blood sugars at home 4 times a day, like a diabetic. All was well, but the baby was still gonna be big.
This all led to the decision that it would be better for me to have a c-section, as my body was unable to get out Wesley out, and it looked like this baby would be even bigger. So, a c-section was scheduled for June 12th. I met with the surgeon, discussed what I needed to do to prepare for the surgery, and then eagerly awaited the day.
On the evening of June 9th, I started to sense something may be happening. The whole evening was spent with these random waves of pain. At this point in my pregnancy, I was almost in constant pain because of how gigantic my belly was. I tossed the idea back and forth of whether or not to go to the hospital, as it may be nothing.
Around 10pm, I figured it's better to be safe than sorry... and I didn't think I could sleep with the pain anyway. So off we went to the hospital, leaving Wesley with my parents at home.
When we got to the hospital, who should be standing right at the baby ward desk? My Doctor. He looked at me wobbling in and asked "Are you in labour?" To which I really didn't have an answer.
He did the monitoring and checking, and sure enough, she was coming.
At this point, I could have tried to labour, or just stick with the c-section. As luck would have it, the c-section team was on their way to do another c-section (which was also why my Doctor was already there too). I had already mentally accepted that I was going to have a c-section, so I said "let's slice me open".
From there things went pretty quickly, I was prepped for surgery and rolled into the OR. I was numb but very much awake. The team came in and pushed and pulled and all sorts of sensations, until I heard a little cry. The Doctor popped around from the curtain dividing me from my open abdomen, holding the fattest, purplest little baby.
She was plump and perfect.
Eric got to hold her while they stitched me up. I stared at her chubby little face with such happiness. I was taken to recovery and soon thereafter, Eric brought her to me. Of course recovery was filled with the violent shivers, like I had the first time, and I drifted to sleep a few times, but all in all, I recovered well.
We spent the next 3 days in the hospital, recovering and bonding. Recovery from a c-section is not the easiest thing, but as it turns out, it was the right call. The Doctor said that he could tell from the way things were looking, just the short time I was in labour, that my body was having trouble getting her out. Plus, they were able to repair a hernia that had occurred towards the end of the pregnancy from how stretched out my stomach got.
Because of her size, they tested her blood sugar levels as well, eventually they leveled out which allowed us to go home.
Since being home, Hailey gained all her weight back, and actually shocked the public health nurses how quickly she bounced back, since she sleeps most of the day and only nurses for about 6 minutes when she does wake up.
Wesley has accepted that their is another little human taking our attention and time, and has adjusted well. He even gives his little sister kisses, and puts the dirty diapers in the garbage for me. :)
I am feeling good, and getting better everyday! Eric has been the best: doing all of the work around the house, plus taking care of all three of us.
I'm in love with my little family and doing my best to enjoy every moment!
Monday, 18 September 2017
The Storm
June of last year looked so different.
At exactly this time in 2017, we had saved enough money to buy a second house to renovate as an investment property, I had settled into the routine of being a stay at home mom, and I felt like I had a good handle on things.
Little did I know that the next 12 months would be the hardest of my life.
To save you from the longest post ever, I'll sum up some things.
June of 2017 thrust me into a position of leadership and learning that I never expected: I became a leader of our church. For those who have never lead in such a position will never fully understand the gravity of that statement. It came with so many tears and uncertainty.
In the summer of 2017 I spent a large portion of my time and energy learning how to be a construction site manager. Yes, you heard me right. I suddenly found myself overseeing our church project of making a place for ourselves. To say this was stressful is an understatement. I learned so many things the hard way.
Let me remind you that during this time, we were paying two mortgages and had an empty house waiting to be fixed which my parents were going to move into as a joint investment.
Then came September ... which brought a pregnancy.
Pregnancy for me is like a judge sentencing me to 9 months of torture. I know so many have it worse, and many wish they could experience it. But that doesn't stop the fact that I'm sick for most of it.
This fact made the winter long and hard, combined with the fact that Winter of 2017/2018 was, in fact, long and hard.
With a baby on the way, and a steady hand on church leadership, the plan was to focus our attention onto that empty house.
Or so we thought.
Come New Year's 2018 - Eric literally tore his muscle off. He lifted an item at work and tore the bicep tendon off the bone. This injury required surgery and months of physiotherapy. Needless to say this threw a wrench in the plans yet again.
When finally cleared for light duty in May of 2018, I had become so gigantically pregnant that I was of no use to him on the construction front. He spent his time working on the very few things he could do without ruining his arm for good.
That brings us to June of 2018. After such a long and trying time, a ray of sunshine came into our world on June 10th. Little did we know how much love we had in our hearts to give - that after such storms comes a rainbow.
And because God has a sense of humor, he placed a little cherry on top, just to make sure I got the picture and maybe learnt the lesson.
Last night, we literally faced a storm unlike anything I have ever experienced. It started as something kind of beautiful and exciting but suddenly turned into something terrifying and overhwhelming. As it raged on, and we stared out the window watching things get destroyed, I realized there was nothing I could do. All of it was in the hands of the creator.
This evening we walked around looking at the damage, and I couldn't help but thank God that he's still God in the storms.
Tuesday, 22 August 2017
Wesley - 7 to 12 Months
Seven Months
Can sit on his own
Tips over sometimes
Loves to cuddle and gab
Always smiling, giggling, and shaking his head
Holds his own bottle
Loves seeing his own reflection
Wakes up about 2 times a night
Loves his baby food
Tips over sometimes
Loves to cuddle and gab
Always smiling, giggling, and shaking his head
Holds his own bottle
Loves seeing his own reflection
Wakes up about 2 times a night
Loves his baby food
Eight Months
Learning how to interact with objects
Figured out how to roll efficiently ;)
Actually enjoys being on his tummy
Eats a little bit of finger foods
Sings himself to sleep in the car
Laughs at the puppy
Goes to bed around 8pm; only wakes up once
Nine Months
Can stand while holding on to something
Getting very curious about everything
Knows how to open cupboards
Kind of shuffles on his bum sometimes
Very sensitive to the word no
Started sleeping right through the night (on mama's birthday)
Two little teeth poked through (bottom middle)
Ten Months
Can pull himself to standing
Loves to watch the world from the front window
Says "dada" a lot!
Started rejecting his soother except for night
Army crawls a little bit
Loves walking in his walker from Auntie Ria
Prefers just playing with one toy
More teeth coming; can be pretty fussy
Started clapping
Eleven Months
Realized how to crawl in one day
Two more teeth ontop
Loves to walk while holding onto fingers
Usually standing in his crib when I go get him
Quite content to play alone
Pretty attached to mama
Figured out how to climb stairs
Three more teeth
One Year
Eight teeth total
Grabs my fingers and walks me to the back door
LOVES to be outside!
Appetite for life and food!
Walks around the house with his push walker
Loves to give wide open mouth kisses
Likes to watch people
Lights up when he sees mama and dada
Flexes his muscles around Gamma and Gampa
Although we're in the stage of learning, which often results in a lot more bumps and tears, his zest for life is infectious! He's always doing something! But he still is a cuddle bug sometimes, and can sit still for a good amount of time.
Here's to many many more years!!!
Friday, 18 August 2017
But Why?
Sometimes, like a child, I want to whine. "Whyyyyy?" You know the sound.
Like where it's all nasal, in combination with the already runny nose, and you think for just a split second, "why do people reproduce?"
And after the small one asks it about a million times, you end up saying "Just because". Because sometimes there really isn't an explanation to their inquiry. Sometimes we ask questions where God just wants us to listen and learn.
I do that. I turn my face up to the great heavens and say "God, whyyyy?" Maybe stomp a foot or both.
"I don't get it" *use your inner whiny child voice*
Truth is, sometimes, it's just because. We aren't meant to fully understand everything all the time.
I worked at a job for about a year, where the boss wasn't Mother Teresa. Maybe if Mother Teresa had bi-polar and hated everyone. But in the one year at that job, where I wanted to scream at her face, I learned things. I actually learned more in that one year of extreme frustrations, then all my smooth sailing jobs.
Among many practical skills I now find very helpful, I really had to learn to hold my tongue under severe scrutiny and unfairness. ⟸ Probably the hardest lesson of all for me.
The whole time, I didn't get it. Why? It blew chunks.
Also, that long lonely season of waiting................................................
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Seeeee? You didn't like that, right?!?! I didn't like it either. I went through a long time where I felt "board". A little bit like I could be doing more. I felt like I had been benched by the coach. Granted I've never played any sports, as my curvy curves/rolls can testify, but I imagine thats what it feels like. Just sitting there, not helping.
Turns out, I needed that season of down time. Because there was something big and a tad overwhelming. Even though I didn't get it back then, I needed that season of underwhelming. It balanced out the whelming. Capiche?
In all of these things, I was learning the why. My situations weren't necessarily changing that drastically, but I was. My understanding. My patience. My knowledge. My gratefulness.
And truth is, you only learn those through some tough life lessons.
A super awesome lady in my life (shout out to Megs) suggested I listen to a sermon entitled, It had to Happen by Steven Furtick. So while I was sitting on her kiddos, I also sat on her chair and watched her TV. I assumed that was the deal with babysitting ;)
The sermon talked about situations where you kind of cause you're own pain. Like "I probably could have handled that better". Just like I didn't have to work at a job where I was belittled, or spend a few months not doing anything productive. But truth is, God actually used my failures or the things I didn't fully understand.
I think it's fitting that God refers to himself as our Father. In truth, I act like a whiny unlearned ungrateful child. "God, whhyyyyy"
Just because.
Because soon... you'll understand.
A calm sea never a skilled sailor made. ~Someone
Like where it's all nasal, in combination with the already runny nose, and you think for just a split second, "why do people reproduce?"
And after the small one asks it about a million times, you end up saying "Just because". Because sometimes there really isn't an explanation to their inquiry. Sometimes we ask questions where God just wants us to listen and learn.
I do that. I turn my face up to the great heavens and say "God, whyyyy?" Maybe stomp a foot or both.
"I don't get it" *use your inner whiny child voice*
Truth is, sometimes, it's just because. We aren't meant to fully understand everything all the time.
I worked at a job for about a year, where the boss wasn't Mother Teresa. Maybe if Mother Teresa had bi-polar and hated everyone. But in the one year at that job, where I wanted to scream at her face, I learned things. I actually learned more in that one year of extreme frustrations, then all my smooth sailing jobs.
Among many practical skills I now find very helpful, I really had to learn to hold my tongue under severe scrutiny and unfairness. ⟸ Probably the hardest lesson of all for me.
The whole time, I didn't get it. Why? It blew chunks.
Also, that long lonely season of waiting................................................
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Seeeee? You didn't like that, right?!?! I didn't like it either. I went through a long time where I felt "board". A little bit like I could be doing more. I felt like I had been benched by the coach. Granted I've never played any sports, as my curvy curves/rolls can testify, but I imagine thats what it feels like. Just sitting there, not helping.
Turns out, I needed that season of down time. Because there was something big and a tad overwhelming. Even though I didn't get it back then, I needed that season of underwhelming. It balanced out the whelming. Capiche?
In all of these things, I was learning the why. My situations weren't necessarily changing that drastically, but I was. My understanding. My patience. My knowledge. My gratefulness.
And truth is, you only learn those through some tough life lessons.
A super awesome lady in my life (shout out to Megs) suggested I listen to a sermon entitled, It had to Happen by Steven Furtick. So while I was sitting on her kiddos, I also sat on her chair and watched her TV. I assumed that was the deal with babysitting ;)
The sermon talked about situations where you kind of cause you're own pain. Like "I probably could have handled that better". Just like I didn't have to work at a job where I was belittled, or spend a few months not doing anything productive. But truth is, God actually used my failures or the things I didn't fully understand.
I think it's fitting that God refers to himself as our Father. In truth, I act like a whiny unlearned ungrateful child. "God, whhyyyyy"
Just because.
Because soon... you'll understand.
A calm sea never a skilled sailor made. ~Someone
Thursday, 20 July 2017
Time to Give Up
Not gonna lie.
These last few days were butt awful.
I could have just done without them. I felt no purpose in them. They were lame and I didn't need it.
Not one thing in particular, just an accumulation of stinky pathetic rotten things. An overdue to-do list. Dirty floors that my bare feet didn't want to touch. No clothes because the mountain of laundry had made it's own postal code. Unpleasant conversations. Stress. But...
Mostly my attitude.
I was not nose blind to the stench of my own sourness. Even though I tried my best to deflect the reason onto my rough circumstances. The truth was, I have had worse circumstances.
But something in my attitude was fouler than the kitchen garbage can after a few of Wesley's explosive diapers.
I got to the point where I just "couldn't even". I didn't want to do anything except maybe eat a whole bowl of cookie dough while watching The Office series all over again.
Then I took it to God in prayer.
Honestly I don't know how I would handle life without the maker of it. It's like talking to Steve Jobs when you have a problem with your Apple product, and let's face it, Apple has a lot of issues. ;)
Something about knowing I could visit the cross in the middle of my chaos without judgement, set my heart and mind at peace. Suddenly things aren't that bad. I refocused.
I didn't stare that the literal mess around me - but the vision ahead of me. The love over me. The angel army beside me.
Is life tough for you too? I bet it can be sometimes because you're human. And it's ok to be. Just don't wallow in the misery. Take it to Jesus with a little praise!
P.S. I saw a news article today of a public figure who took his life. I wonder what would of happened if he knew he didn't need to bare is burdens alone.
These last few days were butt awful.
I could have just done without them. I felt no purpose in them. They were lame and I didn't need it.
Not one thing in particular, just an accumulation of stinky pathetic rotten things. An overdue to-do list. Dirty floors that my bare feet didn't want to touch. No clothes because the mountain of laundry had made it's own postal code. Unpleasant conversations. Stress. But...
Mostly my attitude.
I was not nose blind to the stench of my own sourness. Even though I tried my best to deflect the reason onto my rough circumstances. The truth was, I have had worse circumstances.
But something in my attitude was fouler than the kitchen garbage can after a few of Wesley's explosive diapers.
I got to the point where I just "couldn't even". I didn't want to do anything except maybe eat a whole bowl of cookie dough while watching The Office series all over again.
Then I took it to God in prayer.
Honestly I don't know how I would handle life without the maker of it. It's like talking to Steve Jobs when you have a problem with your Apple product, and let's face it, Apple has a lot of issues. ;)
Something about knowing I could visit the cross in the middle of my chaos without judgement, set my heart and mind at peace. Suddenly things aren't that bad. I refocused.
I didn't stare that the literal mess around me - but the vision ahead of me. The love over me. The angel army beside me.
Is life tough for you too? I bet it can be sometimes because you're human. And it's ok to be. Just don't wallow in the misery. Take it to Jesus with a little praise!
P.S. I saw a news article today of a public figure who took his life. I wonder what would of happened if he knew he didn't need to bare is burdens alone.
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