Baby Hailey

I did it again.

I successfully made another human.

This is kind of a big deal because it's been my greatest life accomplishment so far. In all the amazing things I've been able to experience in my life, my family has been my favorite.

This is the story of how little Hailey made her way into the world.

When I was about 32 weeks pregnant, the Doctor asked me if had made a decision about either wanting to have another c-section, or try to give birth. I was totally on the fence. I could see the pros and cons to both and those are the toughest decisions. I kept weighing my options as the weeks went on.

At the same time, the Doctor was a little concerned about how big the baby was getting. This lead to a few ultrasounds, and blood sugar testing. Each ultrasound showed that she was bigger than she was "suppose to be", however I passed the two blood sugar tests. Apparently high blood sugar levels can make the baby grow extra big. I ended up having to test my blood sugars at home 4 times a day, like a diabetic. All was well, but the baby was still gonna be big.

This all led to the decision that it would be better for me to have a c-section, as my body was unable to get out Wesley out, and it looked like this baby would be even bigger. So, a c-section was scheduled for June 12th. I met with the surgeon, discussed what I needed to do to prepare for the surgery, and then eagerly awaited the day.

On the evening of June 9th, I started to sense something may be happening. The whole evening was spent with these random waves of pain. At this point in my pregnancy, I was almost in constant pain because of how gigantic my belly was. I tossed the idea back and forth of whether or not to go to the hospital, as it may be nothing.

Around 10pm, I figured it's better to be safe than sorry... and I didn't think I could sleep with the pain anyway. So off we went to the hospital, leaving Wesley with my parents at home.

When we got to the hospital, who should be standing right at the baby ward desk? My Doctor. He looked at me wobbling in and asked "Are you in labour?" To which I really didn't have an answer.

He did the monitoring and checking, and sure enough, she was coming.

At this point, I could have tried to labour, or just stick with the c-section. As luck would have it, the c-section team was on their way to do another c-section (which was also why my Doctor was already there too). I had already mentally accepted that I was going to have a c-section, so I said "let's slice me open".

From there things went pretty quickly, I was prepped for surgery and rolled into the OR. I was numb but very much awake. The team came in and pushed and pulled and all sorts of sensations, until I heard a little cry. The Doctor popped around from the curtain dividing me from my open abdomen, holding the fattest, purplest little baby.

She was plump and perfect.

Eric got to hold her while they stitched me up. I stared at her chubby little face with such happiness. I was taken to recovery and soon thereafter, Eric brought her to me. Of course recovery was filled with the violent shivers, like I had the first time, and I drifted to sleep a few times, but all in all, I recovered well.

We spent the next 3 days in the hospital, recovering and bonding. Recovery from a c-section is not the easiest thing, but as it turns out, it was the right call. The Doctor said that he could tell from the way things were looking, just the short time I was in labour, that my body was having trouble getting her out. Plus, they were able to repair a hernia that had occurred towards the end of the pregnancy from how stretched out my stomach got.

Because of her size, they tested her blood sugar levels as well, eventually they leveled out which allowed us to go home.

Since being home, Hailey gained all her weight back, and actually shocked the public health nurses how quickly she bounced back, since she sleeps most of the day and only nurses for about 6 minutes when she does wake up.

Wesley has accepted that their is another little human taking our attention and time, and has adjusted well. He even gives his little sister kisses, and puts the dirty diapers in the garbage for me. :)

I am feeling good, and getting better everyday! Eric has been the best: doing all of the work around the house, plus taking care of all three of us.

I'm in love with my little family and doing my best to enjoy every moment!

The Storm

June of last year looked so different.

At exactly this time in 2017, we had saved enough money to buy a second house to renovate as an investment property, I had settled into the routine of being a stay at home mom, and I felt like I had a good handle on things.

Little did I know that the next 12 months would be the hardest of my life.

To save you from the longest post ever, I'll sum up some things.

June of 2017 thrust me into a position of leadership and learning that I never expected: I became a leader of our church. For those who have never lead in such a position will never fully understand the gravity of that statement. It came with so many tears and uncertainty.

In the summer of 2017 I spent a large portion of my time and energy learning how to be a construction site manager. Yes, you heard me right. I suddenly found myself overseeing our church project of making a place for ourselves. To say this was stressful is an understatement. I learned so many things the hard way.

Let me remind you that during this time, we were paying two mortgages and had an empty house waiting to be fixed which my parents were going to move into as a joint investment.

Then came September ... which brought a pregnancy.

Pregnancy for me is like a judge sentencing me to 9 months of torture. I know so many have it worse, and many wish they could experience it. But that doesn't stop the fact that I'm sick for most of it.

This fact made the winter long and hard, combined with the fact that Winter of 2017/2018 was, in fact, long and hard.

With a baby on the way, and a steady hand on church leadership, the plan was to focus our attention onto that empty house.

Or so we thought.

Come New Year's 2018 - Eric literally tore his muscle off. He lifted an item at work and tore the bicep tendon off the bone. This injury required surgery and months of physiotherapy. Needless to say this threw a wrench in the plans yet again.

When finally cleared for light duty in May of 2018, I had become so gigantically pregnant that I was of no use to him on the construction front. He spent his time working on the very few things he could do without ruining his arm for good.

That brings us to June of 2018. After such a long and trying time, a ray of sunshine came into our world on June 10th. Little did we know how  much love we had in our hearts to give - that after such storms comes a rainbow.

And because God has a sense of humor, he placed a little cherry on top, just to make sure I got the picture and maybe learnt the lesson.

Last night, we literally faced a storm unlike anything I have ever experienced. It started as something kind of beautiful and exciting but suddenly turned into something terrifying and overhwhelming. As it raged on, and we stared out the window watching things get destroyed, I realized there was nothing I could do. All of it was in the hands of the creator.

This evening we walked around looking at the damage, and I couldn't help but thank God that he's still God in the storms.

Wesley - 7 to 12 Months

Seven Months

Can sit on his own
Tips over sometimes
Loves to cuddle and gab
Always smiling, giggling, and shaking his head
Holds his own bottle
Loves seeing his own reflection
Wakes up about 2 times a night
Loves his baby food

Eight Months

 Learning how to interact with objects

Figured out how to roll efficiently ;)

Actually enjoys being on his tummy

Eats a little bit of finger foods

Sings himself to sleep in the car

Laughs at the puppy

Goes to bed around 8pm; only wakes up once

Nine Months

Can stand while holding on to something

Getting very curious about everything

Knows how to open cupboards

Kind of shuffles on his bum sometimes

Very sensitive to the word no

Started sleeping right through the night (on mama's birthday)

Two little teeth poked through (bottom middle)

Ten Months

Can pull himself to standing 

Loves to watch the world from the front window

Says "dada" a lot!

Started rejecting his soother except for night

Army crawls a little bit

Loves walking in his walker from Auntie Ria

Prefers just playing with one toy

More teeth coming; can be pretty fussy

Started clapping

Eleven Months

Realized how to crawl in one day

Two more teeth ontop

Loves to walk while holding onto fingers

Usually standing in his crib when I go get him

Quite content to play alone

Pretty attached to mama

Figured out how to climb stairs

Three more teeth

One Year

Eight teeth total

Grabs my fingers and walks me to the back door

LOVES to be outside! 

Appetite for life and food!

Walks around the house with his push walker

Loves to give wide open mouth kisses

Likes to watch people

Lights up when he sees mama and dada

Flexes his muscles around Gamma and Gampa

My big boy is a year already! Eeeesh! Honestly that went by so fast. I remember getting clothes that were for 6 months, 9 months, or a year, and thinking "he won't need those for a long time". But it happened over night!

Although we're in the stage of learning, which often results in a lot more bumps and tears, his zest for life is infectious! He's always doing something! But he still is a cuddle bug sometimes, and can sit still for a good amount of time. 

Here's to many many more years!!!

But Why?

Sometimes, like a child, I want to whine. "Whyyyyy?" You know the sound.

Like where it's all nasal, in combination with the already runny nose, and you think for just a split second, "why do people reproduce?"

And after the small one asks it about a million times, you end up saying "Just because". Because sometimes there really isn't an explanation to their inquiry. Sometimes we ask questions where God just wants us to listen and learn.

I do that. I turn my face up to the great heavens and say "God, whyyyy?" Maybe stomp a foot or both.

"I don't get it" *use your inner whiny child voice*

Truth is, sometimes, it's just because. We aren't meant to fully understand everything all the time.

I worked at a job for about a year, where the boss wasn't Mother Teresa. Maybe if Mother Teresa had bi-polar and hated everyone. But in the one year at that job, where I wanted to scream at her face, I learned things. I actually learned more in that one year of extreme frustrations, then all my smooth sailing jobs.

Among many practical skills I now find very helpful, I really had to learn to hold my tongue under severe scrutiny and unfairness. ⟸ Probably the hardest lesson of all for me.

The whole time, I didn't get it. Why? It blew chunks.

Also, that long lonely season of waiting................................................

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Seeeee?  You didn't like that, right?!?! I didn't like it either. I went through a long time where I felt "board". A little bit like I could be doing more. I felt like I had been benched by the coach. Granted I've never played any sports, as my curvy curves/rolls can testify, but I imagine thats what it feels like. Just sitting there, not helping.

Turns out, I needed that season of down time. Because there was something big and a tad overwhelming. Even though I didn't get it back then, I needed that season of underwhelming. It balanced out the whelming. Capiche?

In all of these things, I was learning the why. My situations weren't necessarily changing that drastically, but I was. My understanding. My patience. My knowledge. My gratefulness.

And truth is, you only learn those through some tough life lessons.

A super awesome lady in my life (shout out to Megs) suggested I listen to a sermon entitled, It had to Happen by Steven Furtick. So while I was sitting on her kiddos, I also sat on her chair and watched her TV. I assumed that was the deal with babysitting ;)

The sermon talked about situations where you kind of cause you're own pain. Like "I probably could have handled that better". Just like I didn't have to work at a job where I was belittled, or spend a few months not doing anything productive. But truth is, God actually used my failures or the things I didn't fully understand.

I think it's fitting that God refers to himself as our Father. In truth, I act like a whiny unlearned ungrateful child. "God, whhyyyyy"

Just because.

Because soon... you'll understand.





A calm sea never a skilled sailor made. ~Someone

Time to Give Up

Not gonna lie.

These last few days were butt awful.

I could have just done without them. I felt no purpose in them. They were lame and I didn't need it.

Not one thing in particular, just an accumulation of stinky pathetic rotten things. An overdue to-do list. Dirty floors that my bare feet didn't want to touch. No clothes because the mountain of laundry had made it's own postal code. Unpleasant conversations. Stress. But...

Mostly my attitude.

I was not nose blind to the stench of my own sourness. Even though I tried my best to deflect the reason onto my rough circumstances. The truth was, I have had worse circumstances.

But something in my attitude was fouler than the kitchen garbage can after a few of Wesley's explosive diapers.

I got to the point where I just "couldn't even". I didn't want to do anything except maybe eat a whole bowl of cookie dough while watching The Office series all over again.

Then I took it to God in prayer.

Honestly I don't know how I would handle life without the maker of it. It's like talking to Steve Jobs when you have a problem with your Apple product, and let's face it, Apple has a lot of issues. ;)

Something about knowing I could visit the cross in the middle of my chaos without judgement, set my heart and mind at peace. Suddenly things aren't that bad. I refocused.

I didn't stare that the literal mess around me - but the vision ahead of me. The love over me. The angel army beside me.

Is life tough for you too? I bet it can be sometimes because you're human. And it's ok to be. Just don't wallow in the misery. Take it to Jesus with a little praise!

P.S. I saw a news article today of a public figure who took his life. I wonder what would of happened if he knew he didn't need to bare is burdens alone.

I've changed my mind about Marriage

Fortunately and unfortunately there exists a video of me when I was about 14 or 15, sitting in a chair at my friend's house, staring directly into the camera and telling the world that I would never get married. While everyone around me was laughing and telling me that I'd change my mind one day, in that moment...

I meant it.

I hated marriage. To me it was a painful torturous tradition that made my brothers move out and my parents fight.

When one of my brothers was about to get married, I was heart broken. Both of them sat me down and told me that this was a good thing. But I was a teenager, I knew everything, like really, I did. And I knew that this was a bad idea. Stupid love drunk kids.

The truth is I had good reason to hate marriage. I honestly didn't have a great example of what it was suppose to be. Not to throw shade at people who were married at this time in my life, but I didn't have one example that seemed remotely attractive to me. Not one. Most didn't seem to even like their spouse, and at best they seemed indifferent to whether or not their spouse was in the same room as them, and some seemed to treat their spouse like a glorified babysitter.

I know for the most part people were joking about spouses; maybe the "ol' ball and chain" or saying things like "the dishwasher" while pointing at their wife behind her back. But hearing those kinds of jokes only reinforced my already negative view of marriage. And especially since I loathe doing dishes, that was not going to be my life title.

It didn't help, either, that I lived in a little bubble. Sure I had my family and church, but beyond that, I didn't know much of the world. So I didn't see all the good and helpful things that marriage could bring. And since my limited TV watching was usually the classy Phil McGraw (You can't change what you don't acknowledge. ~Dr.Phil) I usually only saw the bad and sad.

On the blue moon occasions when I saw a little ray of marital goodness, it was short lived. Since I am a self proclaimed genius, I decided that it was better to be alone. If it was good enough for Paul the Apostle, it was good enough for me.

Once I grew up a little, and started my own adventures of life on my own, I realized life is more fun with someone. I started to realize "Oh this is why people get married, they get a little desperate, and then they get trapped." Ahhhh, yes. I had figured it out. Marriage was a sign of desperation.

Then I met that guy, Eric. Something about him made me want to hold his hand. The beauty of the situation was that I wasn't lonely. I was perfectly happy with my life. I wasn't even close to desperate. He just made me want to sit next to him. Be by his side.

Most people don't know, but Eric and I dated for a month (May-June 2011) and got married three months later (July-Sept 2011). Most people were probably screaming "pump the breaks" but I was now that stupid love drunk kid.

I'd somehow, somewhere, changed my mind about marriage.

I probably have about a million things I could address at this point in this post that may be running through your mind: "that's how they all start", "that's too fast", "most marriages start that way", "that's the honeymoon stage", "that will wear off", "love is blind, marriage is an eye-opener". Since I have life responsibilities, Yeah, I'm looking at you laundry, I will leave you with this.

It's been almost six years of marriage, and without a word of exaggeration: it has only gotten sweeter. He still makes me smile and laugh till I snort. He gives me butterflies when he walks through the door after work. Watching him play with our baby makes me feel like I may burst with all the teary emotions. Picking up his socks makes me chuckle, not get angry.

But all of that isn't on accident. We make it happen. Everyday. That's what marriage is. In the words of God, "it is good".

So I've changed my mind: marriage is beautifully designed by the master creator, to be enjoyed and celebrated. It's not our anniversary, or his birthday, or valentine's day, it's just another "everyday" but I chose to love him more than I did yesterday.

Side note: if you read this and it made you happy: yay, let's be happy together. If this post made you mad: I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention, see if a doctor can remove the stick up your butt. If you're single and this post made you jealous, pray for your future marriage. But most importantly, if you're married and this post made you envious, get help. Whatever it takes me make your marriage stronger and better, DO IT! The price of counselling, marriage guide books, or date nights, is nothing compared to the reward of a healthy marriage. I don't have the answers, but God does. My advice is make him the center of your marriage and it cannot fail.

P.S. Eric, if you're reading this, I like your face. I hope I can make you smile as much as this meme always does.

Super Honesty Time

This post is kind of embarrassing.

But it's something quite a few people deal with and it sucks.

If someone had found a solution for this problem and not told me about it I would want to smack them. So since I don't want anyone to smack me, I'm going to share what I've discovered.

My problem started back in high school.

I would be sitting in class, temperature of the room was normal, I wasn't necessarily nervous (maybe if I had a test or presentation coming up) but for the most part I felt fine. But for some stupid reason my armpits felt the need to leak.

Why?

Who knows. Not me. It had me so frustrated. I would leave class to go air dry my shirt in the bathroom because of the river that had sprung forth.

I tried everything. The crystals, au natrual, clinical strength deodorant, even men's. But it wasn't that my arm pits were smelly, just wet. All the time. Wet.

Fast-forward to my mid-twenties. I still struggled with it. Every shirt I own is stained. And usually within three wears. Which is pathetic. I don't like buying clothes because I know they are going to be ruined in a month. Super lame. Right?

I know all the little tricks to try and remove pit stains or try to prevent them. I've tried walking with Kleenex under my arms. It's not as fun as it sounds.

While I was pregnant I had had enough. All my precious maternity shirts were ruined. I asked my doctor - he recommended Botox. And while I'd love to be that cool, I'm not that rich. So I searched and searched and prayed. Finally I found something. Now since this product isn't recommended while pregnant or breastfeeding, I had to wait. But I finally tried it.

My life has forever been changed.

It's been two days and not a drop of sweat. I don't care if that's not natural, because what's even more unnatural is not lifting my arms up... ever.

Here's the deal, I was going to post a link to the product for everyone to enjoy, but since I had the courage to make an entire post about my sweaty armpits, if you want to know the product... you need to comment.

Yeah, I'm mean like that.

I don't sell it. I'm not making money off of it in anyway. I'm not trying to sucker you into messaging me and then I try to make you join my army of non-sweaty pitted people. I just want to know that there's other people out there who may have struggled or are struggling too. So that's my catch. You have to come forward with your sweaty arm raised and say "I want help". Got it?

It's a money back guarantee product and it even works on other areas of the body.

So don't delay. Did I mention it's only $14.95 right now!?!?